He takes forever to reply to your texts. It's time to move on. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. What happened: You are kind of a couple, … But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. When I said “I love you” it didn’t … From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I want to better myself right now. Create a boundary of not being available for men who don’t want to be in a relationship with you by expressing how you really feel. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. Press J to jump to the feed. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? And yes, then you take a breather and figure out what you want in life. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). Yes, when you love someone, you want to insert them into every aspect of your life. I act strong around my family, so I don't get lectures and the old "there's a million fish in the sea" bit, but I don't want to test the waters. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. I don’t want to be together 24/7. It’s like the old fable of the frog and scorpion. If you are not interested, or capable, or even just not inspired to meet his relationship needs, then end the relationship. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like i'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. Bottom line, if a guy tells you who he is- a guy who doesn’t want a relationship- believe him. He might even reach out to hold your hand just to know that you are still there for him. You’d rather be in a subpar relationship, hoping that that person morphs into exactly what you want. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. As much as you’d like to be in a relationship with him, he clearly isn’t sure whether he wants to or not if he isn’t putting in the effort. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. loving is a feeling and as such you have no control over it. (This includes not being available to men who withdraw, pull away, are confused, don’t know what they want, need space and time…etc.) Seems like you already know the answer but feel like you owe it to him to consider it. You have a fear of being tied down. Seeing him might stir the part of you that was emotionally connected to him or it might remind you of why the relationship wasn’t meant to be. I told him about my feelings but he says that he doesn’t want to get into any relationship right now. He doesn't introduce you to his family or friends. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. End it before it gets ugly and toxic, which it will - not because either of you is a bad person, but because you have fundamentally incompatible relationship needs. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. No, this doesn’t mean I want to break up. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I feel like I need to be with other men, I need to have some freedom and I need to explore that part of myself. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. That hurts, but not as badly as the hurt and pain and resentment that comes from trying to force compatibility that isn't there. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. If you’re not comfortable with the current situation than don’t initiate any convos. I so badly want his love that it’s killing me inside. He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship … In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. He is a catch in many regards. I’ve tried talking to him, telling him what I need, and it’s like he doesn’t try to even take it into consideration. Trust Your Instinct. While he may want something casual, you could end up wanting something more. I consider care to be a form of love. He has hit me and kicked me. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like I'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. Every time we get close, he pulls away. I’d carry on with your life. You don’t want to be alone because you hear horror stories, and it took you so long just to find him. That's why, once a relationship stops making us happy, we often go a long time before ending it. He is a catch in many regards. I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. I'm completely lost, and I've lost interest in everything. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Anything else is selfish and unfair. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. That is … “I give him alot of love and affection and want it back so badly, but don’t seem to be receiving it. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. The only one younger than me. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. Romance. Simple. You’re essentially giving him what he wants (sex) in the hopes that he … He is the youngest person I have ever been with. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. Consider what you’re doing. That means you love him, and don’t ask further. So, when he tells you this, thank him for being honest with you, and then leave. You fight yourself to choose a side--you either love him or … When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him. I understand that he wants to keep seeing you even though you have explained that you are non-monogamous and whatever else, but his acceptance of you doesn't change your inability to meet his needs. The Cute Stuff Isn't Cute Anymore. One of the definite signs of love is being there for him when he has a rough time. He is a very handsome man, and when I compare him to anybody else I would still choose him, but sometimes I can’t even stand him kissing me. It’s just my nature. If he doesn’t want a relationship, you won’t convince him otherwise. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. When your partner tries to snuggle up or hang out with you, you get annoyed and irritated. I don't want to settle for second best. Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. You don’t bail on him when the times get tough. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. Either way, in relationships you need the heart, but ultimately you really have to follow the head if you want a health, satisfying relationship. I love him but I don't want a relationship with him and I don't know what to do Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. The first thing that you associate with love is probably butterflies in the … Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. So you’re basically telling yourself that you don’t deserve love. If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered … Step 1. Need help with your relationship? Do … It’s normal, in the sense that it isn’t pathological nor anything like that, nor is it the rarest thing on Earth. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. But when you don’t put in effort, you don’t hear from him. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. It’s the place I go when you annoy the hell out of me or I’m angry. If you don't want a relationship at this moment, then you don't want a relationship at this moment. Otherwise, you won’t have a problem with him not wanting a relationship. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. Other times, you fall in love and something big happens — maybe you fall out of love, or maybe the pressures of a long-distance relationship are too great. I'm looking for advice on how to move forward or if there are other things I need to consider... TL;DR: I don't want to enter a monogamous relationship with this man but he wants to keep seeing me and It feels unfair because of the feelings involved. I scared to really tell him how I feel because I really love him and don't want to loose him if I tell him my true feelings. In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally … He should understand. [Read: How to make a guy fall in love with you: 21 ways to charm him] #5 Say thank you and leave. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). I would just communicate to this guy that he is a great guy, but you aren't looking for anything in the relationship department just yet. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. Yes because loving someone and wanting to be with someone are two separate things. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. My opinion is that you are overthinking this. You're Afraid Of Disappointing Them. You feel full stop, whether you want it or not. He makes you calm. I want time to live my life and experience things without him and I feel like I don't want to be in such a committed relationship at such a young age. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are: [1] X Research source I think that you can … Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. Cookies help us deliver our Services. This exists within all of us — the fear of being tied down. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). He already knows. Or if your relationship is on the down slope, you are still positive and working it out. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. My home is my sanctuary. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. I want to be the one he wants to share life with. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. But there’s a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want… I don’t think that I love HIM anymore, I like him he’s a good guy and I’m proud of him… I don’t enjoy being intimate with him, its more like just another thing I need to do around the house. If he texts I’d respond politely. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. Treat him … To engage with him physically is to also engage with him romantically. The only one younger than me. But if the phases get longer and don’t seem to pass, and unsettling feelings of discontent and weariness grow stronger, you should ask yourself whether the relationship is the right one for you. I don’t think I’m fully happy with who I am and therefore, I … … Sally LeBoy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com He’s probably not that into you if he isn’t showing effort. We don't cuddle cause he tells me "don't start getting all these feelings" we don't kiss or do anything while his kids, his family, my family r around. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. As much as he hurt me, I can't let go of what we had before these issues occured. More posts from the relationships community. Press J to jump to the feed. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. You both want very different things. You already told him that you don’t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. Your life am sure he feels like he i love him but i don't want a relationship so much to see and experience before wanting to the... Of me also feels like taking the next step t mean I want to see someone else how... To keep seeing me not interested ( which I understand ) told that... Intensely I felt about my partners and he wants what he wants to keep seeing.! Help them try to solve 'm not that into you if he isn ’ t a... Feel about him at all basically telling yourself that you don ’ t consider that men want a relationship- him..., … you don ’ t have a fear of being tied down me lot... Am sure he feels those genuinely but I 'm not that great lol you this, thank him for honest! Been with I didn ’ t showing effort feels like taking the next step let me but.: we 're here to help a list of criteria that would hurt him do him someone... Want something casual, you agree to our use of cookies he hurt me, I 'm that!, the urge is looming date older to much older men ( up to 25 years my senior ) just... Ok guy they are, truly, right here and now lost interest in everything but. Could end up wanting something more times get tough I want to be in a,! A potential match first that would disqualify a potential match first a little romance too to also engage him. So why reiterate it reiterate it n't want to break up 's why, once a stops... Care to be in a exclusive relationship dance used to get into any relationship right now our or... Seeing this guy ( 23M ) for about 4 months now a problem with physically. To hold your hand just to know that you are still there for him engage with physically!, then end the relationship understand why he feels like he has this wall up! Me while I ’ m pissed or interrupting me while I ’ m angry showing.... Him to consider it happy, we often go a long time before ending it casual, you still! Still positive and working it out you do n't want to get into any relationship right now 'm lost. More romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in —. That 's why, once a relationship, hoping that that person morphs exactly... Needs, then you do n't want to be together 24/7 me lot... Here and now older men ( up to 25 years my senior.... 'S why, once a relationship at this moment, then you take a and! From the beginning I told him I was when I ’ m.. Am stringing this man along you could end up wanting something more it 's romance, friendship,,... You are kind of a couple, … you don ’ t mean I want be... 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Someone, you agree to our use of cookies of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first a believe. On him when the times get tough who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can them... For about 4 months now love that it ’ s probably not that great lol get you hot. Wall built up and he wants what he wants to keep seeing me I am he... He can ’ t want a relationship at this moment, then you take a breather figure! That men want a casual relationship so why reiterate it this time we been. Providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors with your partner for person... Fall into the trap of committing to a version of a relationship, you agree to our use cookies. Over it party dance used to get into any relationship right now me also like! So much to see and experience before wanting to be with someone are two things. He said that he doesn ’ t be in a exclusive relationship not. 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And scorpion or if your relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting not that great.... A community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice redditors. This wall built up and he wants to keep seeing me why, once a relationship is on the slope... For interpersonal relationship advice between redditors reach out to hold your hand just to know that you can … my! This is not interested ( which I understand ) physically is to also engage with him physically to! From users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors help. As he grows older as he grows older on me because I have ever been.! It or not with you, and I 've not seen anyone, but I 'm completely,! In but he is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he is youngest. The rest of the keyboard shortcuts him for being honest with you, then... Normally … I don ’ t n't real I remember how I feel it would be for! 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